Tuesday, 24 November 2009

sliding his hands all over his glands

this makes me want to violate a snowman, i shall never add genitalia to snowmen EVER AGAIN

Monagomy can kiss me in the butt!

recently i have decided that,
whatever i do
whatever anyone says
i will be whoring myself out

i mean why the fuck not?
im young and have average enough looks
wh y the hell shouldnt i take it upon myself to have a good -ass-fucking-time?!
men do this all the time , thats it,
byrons new vice is gonna be-fuckiing -getting -of-with-anyone- i-see

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH of being taken for shit rides by shit guys.
i will find what i want, by how?
not staying in my house fucking crying about it


i will be pro-active and find myself a new fuck.

byron loves you :P

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

Sunday, 4 October 2009

Byron loves : S.L.U.T.S

The best thing I can think of when im bored is how funny my Sweet Little Unforgettable Thespian friend is. He is the biggest slag this side of the river and gets away with it because he has a weiner, i'm like WTF? FML! if you get to shag who the fuck you want to and get head in public and nobody blinks an eye. its SOO NOT FAIR :(. Now now i am not saying everyone should be a slut ,but EVERYONE DOES HAVE SLUTTISH TENDANCIES, that is a FACT of LIFE.

I hate that part of singleton life where you can't openly tell someone you want to fuck them or get fucked by them without having to be "excluive" with them, I mean what is the world coming to when you cant even sleep around for practice? *misses the sixties*. I suppose the fear that most chicas have is of feeling so exposed . Dudes bitch and gossip just as much as chicks,and even the nicest looking guy can turn out to be the biggest cunt and will exaggerate whatever sexual escapades occured between YOU and his non existant penis.

Anyway back to sluts.They have this " i dont give a shit, i will have sexy time with who i want, because hey im just being ME" good for you Slutsy Malone! in a sense they have the type of freedom that slaves had to fight for. If you are not true to yourself then who can you be real with..the gods? like they ever gave a shit about you , remember the time they let that sleasy indie guy give you the clap and when your heart nearly stopped when that girl confessed to NOT being a virgin. However, sluts do have a tendency of being loved and then fucking it up to continue there sluttish ways, remember "slutsy malone" is just a default, when you find someone that still likes you even though your a slut , its time to hang up the free love tee.

Slutty virgins are like an Oxymoronic of the BNP's mandate of NOT being "officially racist" but "almost" being there.Like whats the point of being an undercover "technical slut" it sucks BIGTIME ( like slutty virgins) i mean what would your mother think of you now your tainted? she would rather you bled crimson than have dried cum on your mouth...... right?

Slutty Hippy Mothers are THE BEST kind of slut, giving hypocritical advice to there 5 kids all with different fathers-who-shall-never-be-named-and-they-new-toy-boy-who-is-just-5-years-older-than-her-eldest-son. YES people,Slutty mums dress the best and try to not age gracefully,they are MILITANT when it comes to MAKE-UP and truly rage against the dying of the night. You can party into next tuesday with these women adn YOU will be the only one in the corner falling asleep ashamed because you have been out danced and out drugged by a 42 year old woman who's nic-name is "Mama Cass"


Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Obese Chronicles part 1:Dude where's my Genitalia?

As harsh as this may seem, it has come to my attention that many of our morbidly obese erm..."buddy's" have magical genitalia ,as in they do a disappearing act every bloody time they sit down or want to do a number 22. Then a question came to mind how do they cope with this never ending anatomical magic trick that God or Ronald MacDonald cursed them with...and it came to as awkwardly as when you have "the talk" with your parents.
ADULT nappies

No longer the secret shame of elderly-folk-dumped-in-a-less-that-average-nursing-home-trying-to-recall-their-lost-youth-with-a-cranky-carer-named-ruby or some other dreadful name. OH NO! my fellow Spartans, nor is it the luxury of old business men trying-to-rein-act-their-lost-years-with-a *coughs*" wet nurse (no pun intended) named Lady luccy with two "Cs" to make it look like lucky spelt wrong.
googled it as you do and found out that they have them in many sizes, some even up to XXXXXL, which is like saying..
"hey fatty boom boom, its OK that your SOO obese that small children mistake you for a bouncy castle in the summer and a whale in winter, cos we SOO care about FATTY that we made you an ADULT SIZED NAPPY ,so you and all your fat little friends (by that I a mean variety of processed food logos)can eat the shit at McDonald's whilst doing one,*barf* p.s buy the SHIT WE SELL YOU"

now ,now I know what your thinking ,poo you Byron, why pick on tubby?just because you and your friends are waifs why ?you say.... I shall TELL YOU WHY!?! and its not because i'm a fattist , I have a few "large" friends or whatever is politically correct to call fat people these days. First of all its because ,whenever I take public transport its always the "BMI challenged" person that decides to park there bumper somewhere next to me (usually squashing me) and usually smelling of something deep-fried and only 30% of it is made by real things such as erm...you know.. MEAT ! the rest I am sure of it is made from steroids and water.NOW I am NOT some sort of hippie organic food protester ,but really if something that markets its self as chicken or meat, wouldn't you want it to be made mostly (as in over 50%) of chicken or meat? does any one really believe that McDonald's nuggets are made from chicken? just a thought...

secondly..why do you have to use food as a blanketed reason for your shit life, why don't you just drink or smoke like normal people do? its frustrating because "BMI challenged" people always seem to be going on about "oh im soo fat ..blah.. my life is shit.blah blah.. I need a shag...blah..nobody loves me ..blah..blah" and this is followed by a feast that would feed a small tribe in Kenya, then more moaning ,the marathon of getting up the stairs then some crisps and a wank then bed.
Dude you could be more attractive if you lost a few stone (at least 3) ,it would really build your confidence up, NO ITS NOT "conforming to society" its not getting diabetes-having a heart attack then dying-or having to wear-
ADULT NAPPIES.. p.s I love you

Kasra and the Mavericats @ 93 Feet East- 29 sept

basically these guys are wonderful,they consist of three stooges, kasra,Rico and Adam . The lead singer Kasra is the coolest cat you will ever meet. there music is an eclectic mix of jazz,classical and folk sounds thrown in there with good old indie, and that's if you could categorise there sound. The music just runs freely adding to the lyrical genius of the words its a sure HIT and a definite DO!. so if your down in brick lane today come down to see these guys play 7:30-9:30,its free entry and good people.

Monday, 28 September 2009

Blinking Pigs

im sure there are still a few people out there who haven't herd of little dragon and if you are one of them CHECK THEM OUT :).this lead singer is SUPER SUPER cute and has an A-MAZING voice ..seriously though she really does!. the first i heard from them was "twice" however being the dub head i am , i heard the 16bit remix to it, but thought "hey...this song can hold its own I don't think it needs a remix" so I wikipedia'd *little dragon* and found out that I was obsessed with them and that they are based in gothenburg ,Sweden, the lead singer is half Swedish and half Japanese and called Yukimi Nagano, how much does her name want you to pronounce-it-correctly?

OK so I found out that the "twice song " is like 3 years old and still A-MAZING, there 2007 debut album is called "little dragon" and there new album is called "machine dreams". they have like an electric/acoustic sound and are quite possibly the best comedown cure (musically anyway) that I have ever had.

Meet my duchebag Mate

OK so every group of friends has one, and if you don't know who it is then IT IS YOU>we put up with you because we are your MATES so why are you always......
+e.g having non -attending tendencies to things..... like all the parties your invited to but complaining when we stop inviting you to shit
+not being able to speak to people out of your comfort zones (you suck because everyone else does it for you)
+being violent to us when to are intoxicated by the numerous drugs that you are addicted to (nobody's life is entirely drug free but everyone needs limits).
+always complaining when things don't go your way
+you are not Derren brown so stop trying to MIND FUCK YOUR OWN MATES, this includes manipulating every situation ,just to get your own way ...it is wrong and you shouldn't do this....if a friend to YOU is someone that does whatever the fuck you want then we want no part in your mind fuckery.
is there an emotional nerve that was cut out your head at birth?
even with all your social flaws we are still friends and yet you think that I am the one being flaky with you?
me thinks that you erm.... BULLSHIT MUCH? how is it, that when I go halves with you on food , I get £0 change back? not to mention the time you slept with someone knowing full well that we liked each other. Is it so impossible for you to comprehend for even a split second that the axis the earth spins around isn't your hairy fat arse? No don't make that im-so-confused-as-to-why-you-guys-are-being-soo-mean-to-me? face that you always make when people are trying to give you some advice ,just SUCK IT UP and get over YOU,we all know that even you are not that naive and retarded.....just a DICK-HEAD really>seriously your a good friend but you know that there's more inside and that you have a lot to give so stop douching on us all and we wont remind you of all the times that the prick in you raised its ugly head
and how you would sell the souls and kidneys of YOUR FRIENDS for another bottle of bear and half a gram of cocaine ,then-we-can-stop-having-this-conversation-deal?

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Pretty Young Things

ID's september issue is A-MAZING ,How beautiful is everyone in this issue?, from the geourgeuos girl with the chanel tattoo to Chanel Iman, Arlenis Sosa, Sessilee Lopez just ooozes sexy & Jourdan Dunn on the front cover, there skin is so perfect. personally i thin k that the background is also amazing.that aside there is also a lady that hasnt been mentioned in the hype about this issue and it is .........

Lucy Bridge

this woman is beautiflu i can what they were trying to do here e.g a "larger" model, but i dont even think that shes big in anyway apart from being beautiful, i have seen her once in the flesh and do you know what ? her eye make up REALLY suits her . i wish i was brave enough to try that and still look catwalk cool.whatever path she chooses to follow i can HUGE things coming up for this lady in the future. p.s how A-mazing is her tatt?

Tales of the stoned hair stylist

the other day as i was subsequently "rolling" with my homie marli, we decided to go shopping first- then dye his hair- then get "high". however the order of those events changed and we ended up getting high before all of that shit and were too monged out to do the lot .As the stoners theory on bag carrying is to carry only enough so that you can still hold the spliff. That aside and back to his, i ended up dying his face instead of his hair and getting verbal abuse from him "byron what the fuck are you doing, its on my fucking belly you fucking idiot!". monged and confused i swilled finished another spilff and broke his window *accidently though :)* then one the way home i was listening to giggs on the bus in good old Brixtonia and thought "what is my life coming to" befor a crack salesman tried his pitch on me,however i was not amused.

Thursday, 24 September 2009

FPTP but are you gonna bang tho?

actually im NOT going to bang, but i will say that HEY MY NAME IS Amie-BYRON and apparently im a lady :). im new to this whole "blogger" thing but seeing as too many things happen to me in a day and im to lazy to handwrite shit, i thought i might aswell "blog" things e.g. like the time i threw eggs out of a bus in camden and it hit a bunch of nuns,instantly i thought "omg if there is a hell im definately going there now without a doubt"

*the happiest nun in the world*
but really why were they in camden?. i dont know what a bunch of nuns are called collectivelly, maybe a "herd" or a "swarm"?