Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Obese Chronicles part 1:Dude where's my Genitalia?

As harsh as this may seem, it has come to my attention that many of our morbidly obese erm..."buddy's" have magical genitalia ,as in they do a disappearing act every bloody time they sit down or want to do a number 22. Then a question came to mind how do they cope with this never ending anatomical magic trick that God or Ronald MacDonald cursed them with...and it came to as awkwardly as when you have "the talk" with your parents.
ADULT nappies

No longer the secret shame of elderly-folk-dumped-in-a-less-that-average-nursing-home-trying-to-recall-their-lost-youth-with-a-cranky-carer-named-ruby or some other dreadful name. OH NO! my fellow Spartans, nor is it the luxury of old business men trying-to-rein-act-their-lost-years-with-a *coughs*" wet nurse (no pun intended) named Lady luccy with two "Cs" to make it look like lucky spelt wrong.
googled it as you do and found out that they have them in many sizes, some even up to XXXXXL, which is like saying..
"hey fatty boom boom, its OK that your SOO obese that small children mistake you for a bouncy castle in the summer and a whale in winter, cos we SOO care about FATTY that we made you an ADULT SIZED NAPPY ,so you and all your fat little friends (by that I a mean variety of processed food logos)can eat the shit at McDonald's whilst doing one,*barf* p.s buy the SHIT WE SELL YOU"

now ,now I know what your thinking ,poo you Byron, why pick on tubby?just because you and your friends are waifs why ?you say.... I shall TELL YOU WHY!?! and its not because i'm a fattist , I have a few "large" friends or whatever is politically correct to call fat people these days. First of all its because ,whenever I take public transport its always the "BMI challenged" person that decides to park there bumper somewhere next to me (usually squashing me) and usually smelling of something deep-fried and only 30% of it is made by real things such as erm...you know.. MEAT ! the rest I am sure of it is made from steroids and water.NOW I am NOT some sort of hippie organic food protester ,but really if something that markets its self as chicken or meat, wouldn't you want it to be made mostly (as in over 50%) of chicken or meat? does any one really believe that McDonald's nuggets are made from chicken? just a thought...

secondly..why do you have to use food as a blanketed reason for your shit life, why don't you just drink or smoke like normal people do? its frustrating because "BMI challenged" people always seem to be going on about "oh im soo fat ..blah.. my life is shit.blah blah.. I need a shag...blah..nobody loves me ..blah..blah" and this is followed by a feast that would feed a small tribe in Kenya, then more moaning ,the marathon of getting up the stairs then some crisps and a wank then bed.
Dude you could be more attractive if you lost a few stone (at least 3) ,it would really build your confidence up, NO ITS NOT "conforming to society" its not getting diabetes-having a heart attack then dying-or having to wear-
ADULT NAPPIES.. p.s I love you

1 comment:

  1. ure perfect for vice magazine
    ure rude and crude
    but people cant help but love u still
    arghhh xxxxxx